Friday, January 28, 2011

Higher Education?

The inevitable process of life for the majority of those I know (read: white, middle class citizens) is relatively simple:  go to elementary school, middle school and high school.  Get good grades (maybe).  Go to college.  Graduate from college.  Get a job.  Get married.  Have kids.  Buy a house.  You get the idea.  The Gods of these citizens get a little upset when you do things out of order, and they decide to make things complicated for you if you choose to do so.  I'm sure that my other friends who have chosen this route can attest to this, unless they are lucky and come from a background where money is no object.

I chose to get married after finishing an associates degree, before I had a decent job, and as I was moving on to get a bachelor's degree.  I do not regret this decision.  It's simply the different path I chose to take.  Has it been easy?  No.  Has it been rewarding?  Beyond words.

The point I am trying to get at comes into play this semester in particular, because I am set to graduate from my current program at Lansing Community College.  Yes.  I am getting another associates degree.

We moved to Lansing with every intention of me getting my Bachelors in International Relations from James Madison College at Michigan State University.  It was a prestigious program.  I was excited to be accepted.  Madison graduates move on to do great things after school.  Travis had planned on moving to Lansing with me, and attending the local community college - then transferring to a university wherever I happened to find a job when I was done.  We got married because James Madison is a residential college.  In order to opt out of the requirement of living on campus, one would have to have a minor child or be married.  I wasn't so much for being knocked up at that point, so we chose the latter.

Once I got started at Michigan State it quickly became apparent to me that, though I am an intelligent person, the "prestige" of James Madison just wasn't for me.  I was doing terrible in the classes, I was depressed and overall I was questioning whether I had made the right decision.  I felt bad because I had dragged Travis along with me in what was turning out to be an experiment gone awry.

Part of the problem lay in the fact that I had to work full time while going to school.  We had bills to pay.  I was working at Walgreens at the time, so the schedule was flexible.  It was, however, a concept that seemed to be foreign to Madison professors.  The majority of the people in my classes lived on campus, used financial aid to pay for everything, didn't have jobs and were therefore able to devote unnaturally large amounts of time towards studying.  Doing their internship semester studying abroad wouldn't be an issue, because they didn't have to worry about leaving a husband behind.

I went to counseling at the Student Services Center, trying to pinpoint what was wrong with me.  Eventually I decided that Madison was too intense for me, and changed my major to general political science.  I didn't do much better with that, though.  I stayed in good standing the whole time I was at MSU, but that just meant I was managing to flounder about a 2.0.  Eventually it got to a point where I was just felt lost and wondered what I was doing with my life.  Here I was, 4 years into school and only an associates degree to show for it.  MSU decided to raise their tuition rates by almost 10%, so I decided now was as good a time as ever to jump ship.

I enrolled in the paralegal program at LCC.  I wasn't 100% certain where I was going to go with it at the time, I just knew that we needed the financial aid money to survive, and community college and I got along much better than the university level of learning.  And now here I am, 2 years into it and about to graduate.  In fact, I HAVE to graduate or I will lose my financial aid because I transferred so many credits in to fulfill the "general credit requirements" that I am way over the limit for number of credits needed for my program.

Along the line I have gotten two new jobs.  One was part time at a law firm, and then I was promoted within the law firm to a full time position.  The better job is another thing that helped me make my decision to leave MSU.  I had a baby, which is one thing that is contributing to the complexity of my current situation.

I haven't gone to MSU in 2 years, but they have re-accepted me for the Summer 2011 semester.  Unfortunately, they are still of the mind that there is NO WAY that someone could possibly work a 9 - 5 job and get their bachelors degree.  The only time classes I need are offered online is in the summer.  There are no evening courses.  Everything is geared towards that "normal" white, middle class demographic of kids who go to college and that is their job for 4 years (I'm not saying "white" to be racist.  It's just the sad state of affairs these days).

I spent the better part of yesterday searching for some college in Michigan that might offer an online, or evening class based degree in political science and came up dry.  There's that part of me that feels like I wasted a HUGE chunk of money on Michigan State to come out with nothing.  Did I mention I have 90 credits towards my bachelor's there?  I'd only have something like 33 left if I went back.  The fact remains though, that their system of educating does not fit in with the current lifestyle I have.  So now I am entertaining the idea of a Bachelors in Paralegal Studies from Davenport, because they have a Lansing based campus and evening classes.  They're a reputable college, and they're geared more towards adult learners like me who just don't have time to fuck around with the "traditional" university education.

The drawback here is that we're moving in July (this is another story) and the town we are moving to is an hour away.  So even if I do end up with night classes that fit what I need, I will miss out on a lot more of Lyric's life than I am already missing out on, because I am busy trying to finish my education and commuting to and from where I need to be.

I find myself wondering if this will all be worth it in the end.  Do I really need to have that piece of paper that says I dumped an obscene amount of money on irrelevant classes for 7 or 8 years?  Am I going to have to keep telling myself pep phrases and repeating some kind of mantra as I write the checks for my student loans every month?  That is, if I find a job that can comfortably cover them.  Sure, in the end I'll be getting a higher education.  But it won't be from anything I learned in the classrooms that are taking credit for it, and unfortunately - that's all the people that will want to hire me will look for.  I am beyond burned out when it comes to school.  I only put the minimum effort in, because that's all I can find to give anymore.  And it never seems to end.

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